Summertime

It is finally that lush lush hot humid green outside I wanted so badly back in winter. Isn't it amazing how quickly we take it for granted, once we're given what we wish for?

This morning I mowed my lawn. All by myself. I have never mowed a lawn before. But I am a big fan of this lady right here, and Max Daniels sent out a newsletter talking about failure. And how one way to deal with the fear of failure is to practice failing. And you know how much I love PRACTICING A SOMETHING. And so I decided I would practice failing at mowing the lawn, since it is one of those eternal fights between me and my partner, and it needed it. It was so interesting, because at first I couldn't figure out how to adjust the handle, and I found myself totally doing what my daughter does, which is say, "I can't do it. I'm just going to have to mow the lawn with the handle in this position. That stinks. But I can't do it, so I guess that's the way it is."  I told myself exactly what I tell her, "Keep trying. I bet you can figure it out. And if you need help, help is available." And it worked! I figured it out! Oh my goodness I learn so much from being a parent. (Also, side note: I called my husband to tell him I had mowed the lawn like I said I was going to last night, and he was very critical and said he would do it again when he came home if it needed it. Why? Sigh.)

So I didn't exactly fail at mowing. I definitely need more practice, but holy mack, that lawn got mowed. So did I fail at failing? Does it still count? Hmmm. Max says aim for 50 fails. That is a lot of failure for a good little doobie-girl to handle.

Today is my Papa's 70th birthday. Good lord. Happy birthday to him. 70 years is many many years, and I am glad we are all going to celebrate together tonight and then again tomorrow (just for added bonus).

It also inaugurates the annual season of family events, in which just about every weekend we have plans of one kind or another. Which is enormously stressful to me. I want so much for everything to be relaxed and groovy, for us all to be happy and full of hugs and love, and somehow I end up participating in old dramas and absorbing a whole lot of unpleasant anxiety, intermixed with some bright shots of joy. Which is all to say that there is a lot of opportunity to fail in the next few months. Many people to disappoint, and many situations in which to try something different.

I like the re-framing of failure as a project. I'm going to periodically check in about how well I'm doing. Meanwhile I'm going to take a little quiet time before the family all arrive, now that my yard looks SO GREAT.