Shenpa

Happy Mother's Day!

This has become an important day for me. My daughter completely changed my life, and I have learned so much and become such a clearer person because of her.

One of the most important things I've learned  about is, dum-dum-dum: the ripple. It is an idea which I think is very related to the idea of attachment, and which the STUPENDOUS Pema Chodron calls "shenpa." (Here is her amazing article on shenpa.)

The variation on that theme that has been playing most vividly for me centers around a rippling out of ugly. Because isn't that amazing? How one person is unkind to another, even subconsciously, and then the other person feels badly and turns around and is unkind, subconsciously, to other people, who feel badly, etc. etc. And it just keeps growing. And there are SO MANY kind things we could do for each other, SO MANY small small things that would be so much better than the ugly. But we aren't always able to stop that feeling; instead we just really want to get rid of it.

As a parent, I am constantly working to stop that ripple of ugly. My daughter is so young; she has so little protection, and she is so sensitive. So she picks up on everything - on all the joy, but also all the meanness around her. And then she ripples it right out at me. And probably I was the source of the ugly at her, because I said no, for no really good reason, to that apple, or that dancing shoe, or the bringing of that toy to the store. But regardless, as the more experienced human, it is my job to try and stop the ripple, and also to show her that the ripple can stop and that this is how.

Which is really hard.

But I am practicing. And I think Pema Chodron's teaching about getting quiet, about coming back to your breath and considering the love in the world that is so abundant, is an excellent thing to work with.

And I adore that putting the world on pause for a second or two is also a most vital way to take care of myself.

So despite my occasional disdain for so-called "Hallmark" holidays, I am on board with this one, because I love a day for focusing on all the amazing gifts of motherhood, and my child, and also myself.  Happy happy day to us all!